Well...here I am. I should be sleeping. No, I should be studying. I just have no will power to do it. I know that I should. I am at my computer. I have my books scattered around my feet. I have the web pages opened for the assignments I have to do...yet I can't get myself to do it.
I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm depressed...I'm just...not me right now. I think I could be happy right now I'm just not. Why?? Why do I feel like I'm constantly riding a roller coaster?? I can be so happy one minute and angry or sad the next...I hate this.
Maybe it is because I spend most every day alone. I have plenty of time to do my homework then (and normally I can convince myself to do it) but honestly, I just don't want to. I miss people during the day. I'm the kind of person that can't be left alone; I need to be around people. I don't need to be the center of attention but my whole being thrives on interactions with people. I love hearing laughter. I love laughing with people. I can't do that because I'm always alone. Alone, alone, alone. All alone.
Hmmm...I guess I'm done whining now. That is just what I'm feeling and thinking as of now. Hopefully tomorrow gets better...
*sigh*
you've got this! i totally know it that feels and it can be hard sometimes but just keep your focus on the long term perspective and you'll get through. i've found (after feeling sorry for myself for a while) that if i make it my first priority of the day to do scripture study, i will feel more motivated and positive throughout the rest of the day. try that!
ReplyDeletealso, try calling someone...even someone you don't necessarily know that well yet. it's never too soon to make a new friend and get to know one another better and you live on a college campus so there are definitely other people around who need to study too! invite them over and chill while you get your work done. that was always the most helpful way for me and ilang to go about not being lonely but still be productive.
i love you!