:D

I'M HOME!!!!!!!!!

(after 7 hours on the shuttle...but oh well, I'M STILL HOME!!!!)

:)

Right now...I hate life

I'm stuck in Salt Lake. Not terrible...I'm at Grant and Lyndi's. But I still just want to go home. Bingham County has been shut down, all of the schools cancelled YESTERDAY...it must be really bad for that to happen in Idaho!! The storm that is there is supposed to hit here at 3:00 pm...so about the time Blackfoot reopens I won't be able to leave Utah.

FML

I just want to go home. How many terrible things can happen to me in a week...lots. This just sucks. Honestly Tuesday at the temple was amazing and ever since then it has just gone down hill!! I can't even go to the temple today (which was the plan). My life is just like a roller coaster. It has highs that are amazing, but it drops so fast that I get sick.

Maybe one day soon it will start to level out a bit but I highly doubt that. As soon as I am in a good place in life and doing the things I am supposed to everything starts to suck. I should be used to it by now...but I'm not. Ugh I honestly can't stand it anymore.

I also can't stand being told to be calm and that everything will be fine because honestly...it NEVER works out that way for me. It takes forever for everything to become "fine" and then it is only fine for a day or two. Everyone just needs to leave me alone and let me handle it how I normally do. I've lived like this for almost 20 years I think I can handle it by myself. Thanks though...for nothing.

Jealous much??

UGH!!!! So freaking jealous of every person around the world that gets to go to Harry Potter tonight while I don't!!

My sister...GOT TO GO TO THE PREMIERE IN LONDON!! What the gay!? Why am I the only person not going tonight ... :( so sad

Tyler and Travis are going...I was going to get Travis' ticket but he decided to go after all

It just sucks because I'm home alone, no one in my ward is here, and I'm not even freaking tired!!!

Blah ... fml right now

Harry Potter why do you have to be so cool?? Stop it...stop it right now!!

Today...is a good day!! :)

Well... I am probably in the best mood I've been in for a while!! I am going to the Provo Utah Temple today!!!!! I am so excited!! The feeling that I get when I go to the temple is amazing!! I am so glad that I have the opportunity to go there!!

I'm also meeting with a man about another internship this summer. I'm pretty excited although I don't know all the details yet...that is what the meeting is for.

Hopefully I will get to hang with Tyler today. He has a lot of stuff to do this week so he is busy ... seeing him today would just make my day that much better!! :)

Life is looking up and I am sooooo happy!!

Also...I have the most amazing family in the whole entire world...no one can top them!!
xoxx

I talk a lot...

Well...I do. I am constantly talking and I'm surprised that more people don't get sick of me!! haha :P

So I've been thinking lately that I might should say something to Tyler about what is going on between us. I've been super nervous though because I don't want to scare him away and because I'm not sure what to say!!

A mutual friend of ours has been telling me to just be super straight forward and let it all out...but I don't think that is a very good idea. My only problem is that I wasn't sure if he knew how I felt about everything. So today as we drove up to the library I just told him that I like how everything is going. I thanked him for taking it slow because that is what I want. I like where we are in our relationship... :)

Now he knows how I feel (oh yeah and I just came right out and told him I like him (I mean it is REALLY obvious haha)) so I don't have anything to worry about...no regrets :)

Tears...

I have a lot of problems. Problems that I can't fix by myself.

I need help.

The last and only relationship I've ever been in was most definitely an abusive one, in every way you can imagine a relationship can be abusive, mine was. It hit me today that I've never cried about anything I went through. I've held all that pain inside of me and I've never let it out. I realized today...that I'm not ready for a relationship because I'm so scared of them. I don't want any of that to happen to me ever again. I never thought that it would in the first place. For the first time since my ex and I broke up I started to open my heart up again to a wonderful man in my ward. Everything is going fine...except that I am scared. I am just so anxious for what is to come and I know that I will be happy, but in the back of my mind...my last relationship. The terrible things that I went through and the pain that I suffered are holding me back from ... life.

I need help. I don't want to be scared. I don't want to hurt anymore. I just want to move forward and not remember it. Any of it...

...

I shouldn't be confused but unfortunately I'm a typical girl and I over analyze everything

*sigh*