Sometimes I crave myself...is that wrong??

Well...what is new in my life??

Nothing.

Actually...I'm transferring to Utah State. I can't stand being at BYU anymore and USU has a better pre-vet program anyway. Why didn't I do this a while ago?? Hmmm...good question.

Lately I learned the most amazing lesson. You know growing up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I've always known families will be together forever. And I love that concept. I know that no matter how annoying they are sometimes or how far apart we might live that we will be able to spend Eternity together. They will always be there for me. Well...I have taken that for granted a little bit. We cannot go throughout this life alone. We have a loving Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ, who will alway be here for us...but we also have our families. They know us better than we give them credit for. They will help us through our problems if we let them in and give them a chance.

Families are an amazing blessing...one that we can all enjoy and appreciate. We need to not take our families for granted. Talk to your parents, talk to your siblings. Call them just to tell them you love them because none of us do that enough. Even when you get annoyed with each other, no matter what, you will have each other's backs.

I remember in high school that my brother Peter always (yes I do mean always) picked on me. It didn't matter who he was with or what we were doing...he would pick on me. Sometimes I would get upset but for the most part it didn't really phase me. The most amazing thing would be when someone else started to pick on me...one of his friends or another kid at school...he would step up and have them knock it off. He stood up for me against other people even though sometimes they were his friends. One of those "I can pick on her cuz she's my sister, but you better not even think about doing it" kind of things. That is the most amazing thing of all. We have been given an amazing and deep love for our families and through thick and thin we will always be there for them.

Me and Peter at his mission farewell -- 8.16.2009

Music describes my life...

No you don't know what it's like when nothing feels all right.You don't know what it's like to be like me: to be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark, to be kicked when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around, to be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you. No you don't know what it's like, welcome to my life. No one ever lied straight to your face, no one ever stabbed you in the back. You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay!! You don't know what it's like!!

Everybody wants to be understood; well I can hear you!! Everybody wants to be loved, don't give up because you are loved!! You are loved!! Don't give up it's just the weight of the world. Don't give up!!

I'm all out of faith. This is how I feel: I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor. Illusion never changed into something real. I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn. You're a little late, I'm already torn.

Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed. Is it enough to die? Somebody save my life, I'd rather be anything but ordinary please. To walk within the lines would make my life so boring. I want to know that I have been to the extreme!! So knock me off my feet!! Come on now give it to me, anything to make me feel alive.


Hard to be sure. Sometimes I feel so insecure and loves so distant and obscure, remains the cure. All by myself!! Don't wanna be all by myself anymore...

I should be sleeping...

It's 1:39 am...Saturday February 12, 2011.

I should be asleep. I was really tired and then as soon as I got into bed...BAM!!...instantly wide awake (and actually quite hyper).

I was having a really interesting conversation with Tyler...but he had to go. He's going to come back though and we will continue. It's quite fascinating that we both have the same type of personality but in similar situations chose completely different solutions. Hmmm...very interesting and I'm excited to keep talking

I watched LOTR: The Two Towers tonight. It wasn't the extended edition so I felt like I was missing out on life. It was good don't get me wrong...the extended versions are just sooooooooo much better!!! Hmmmm really have to watch them soon.

Talked to my little brother Mike today...man I love that kid. We started quoting Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure... :) haha soooooo good. He was listening to Beethoven (you know...prounounced beeth oven) and then I said, "Mike...who was Joan of Arc??" "Uh...Noah's wife?!?" Man I miss him haha...what am I going to do when he is going to school in New York and I can't go home and visit him on the weekends?? :( My life is about to get a lot more boring...

Blah...I'm still really hyper. But I have nothing else to write about. Oh well...have an awesome night and enjoy the sleep I should be getting right now!!

I suck at this...

So...I told myself I was going to be a really good blogger...

HAHA!! Yeah I'm not that good at this!!

I've been really busy with school and that is killing me right now.

Oh also...I broke my nose and had to get surgery so that took me out of things for a while

Right now...I miss my sister. Having her be so far away sucks...but I know that someday soon she'll be closer and I will be able to see her more than I am able to right now.

Ok...so my little brother is growing up. OH MY GOSH!!! He is eighteen and going to West Point and just getting so big...it is really scaring the crap out of me. He can't be this old!! He can't be graduating from high school and going away to college!! He's still just a fat little chunk running around the house!!

I am seriously going to miss that kid. He is the one person in our family that brings us all together. We all love him so much and he is just so fun...what will I do when I can't go home and see him on the weekends... :(