Will you teach me to football??

Alright...where do I begin. I guess I can start here:

I came to the realization today that I am pathetic. I really honestly am. It's not like a bad pathetic...but a pathetic none-the-less. When I like someone, and I mean actually like crush them, want to date them kind of like, I don't know what to do! I turn 20 in a couple months and I have only had one boyfriend and can count on two hands how many dates I've been on since I turned 16. Like I said: PATHETIC!!

I don't know what to do!! I can be friends with guys but I can't get them to ask me out or to like me as more than friends. I'm always going to be "one of the boys". You know I'm fine with that to an extent...but it gets frustrating sometimes.

The boy I like and I hang out a lot. We talk a lot and it is just awesome. Last night he wanted to hang out so he came over and we watched a movie at my apartment. We sat next to each other and talked and laughed and I'm pretty sure we flirted...

But see this is where I get lost. It's happened so many times to me before: I think that he is flirting back and that he likes me and then I get extremely disappointed when I find out later that he wasn't. When I want to see something so bad I actually imagine that I see it. So I have gotten to the point where I just think to myself "oh sure I like him and want to date him but he won't ever like me like that so we will just be friends." And I don't like that!! I really like this boy. There is just something amazing about him and I can't get him off my mind. I'm so glad that we are really really good friends but I want so much more. I'm afraid to open my big dumb mouth and ruin it though...because I think that we could have something great

*sigh* I am just rambling here trying to get it all out there and figure stuff out. Hopefully I will learn how to date soon so that I won't die old and alone with a million cats. (I'm cool with the dying old and with cats part though haha)-terrible joke

hmmm I guess I will just stick on the path I'm on and maybe things will work out the way I want them to this time. If I don't ruin everything by over analyzing...