Tears...

I have a lot of problems. Problems that I can't fix by myself.

I need help.

The last and only relationship I've ever been in was most definitely an abusive one, in every way you can imagine a relationship can be abusive, mine was. It hit me today that I've never cried about anything I went through. I've held all that pain inside of me and I've never let it out. I realized today...that I'm not ready for a relationship because I'm so scared of them. I don't want any of that to happen to me ever again. I never thought that it would in the first place. For the first time since my ex and I broke up I started to open my heart up again to a wonderful man in my ward. Everything is going fine...except that I am scared. I am just so anxious for what is to come and I know that I will be happy, but in the back of my mind...my last relationship. The terrible things that I went through and the pain that I suffered are holding me back from ... life.

I need help. I don't want to be scared. I don't want to hurt anymore. I just want to move forward and not remember it. Any of it...