What is Happening to Me?

Today has been...weird.

That is the only word I can use to describe it.

I feel like I'm on the edge of having a massive panic attack but it hasn't happened. I'm shaky, sweating but then I get the chills, I feel like the wind is being knocked out of me and I can't breathe. I feel like I'm having mini panic attacks. And I don't know why.

Rogue has been very close to me all day and acting weird because she knows. But nothing has happened ... yet.

I've been zoning out and can feel the anxiety starting to creep up and then it just vanishes.

The room is spinning. I feel like my arms are on backwards. I can't concentrate on anything. I've been zoning out all day. My mouth is dry.

I've been avoiding taking my pill because I don't know what's going to happen...and I'm sick of needing medication.

What makes it more weird is that nothing has happened today to trigger this. Absolutely nothing. I've just felt this way since I woke up this morning. I don't understand...

What is happening to me? WHY is this happening to me?

I don't want to be like this anymore; I'm a slave to the chemicals in my body and the medications used to counterbalance them. I just want to be normal...

Words can't even describe what I'm feeling and thinking right now. I wish I could explain this so that someone could help me.

Make it go away...