Will you teach me to football??

Alright...where do I begin. I guess I can start here:

I came to the realization today that I am pathetic. I really honestly am. It's not like a bad pathetic...but a pathetic none-the-less. When I like someone, and I mean actually like crush them, want to date them kind of like, I don't know what to do! I turn 20 in a couple months and I have only had one boyfriend and can count on two hands how many dates I've been on since I turned 16. Like I said: PATHETIC!!

I don't know what to do!! I can be friends with guys but I can't get them to ask me out or to like me as more than friends. I'm always going to be "one of the boys". You know I'm fine with that to an extent...but it gets frustrating sometimes.

The boy I like and I hang out a lot. We talk a lot and it is just awesome. Last night he wanted to hang out so he came over and we watched a movie at my apartment. We sat next to each other and talked and laughed and I'm pretty sure we flirted...

But see this is where I get lost. It's happened so many times to me before: I think that he is flirting back and that he likes me and then I get extremely disappointed when I find out later that he wasn't. When I want to see something so bad I actually imagine that I see it. So I have gotten to the point where I just think to myself "oh sure I like him and want to date him but he won't ever like me like that so we will just be friends." And I don't like that!! I really like this boy. There is just something amazing about him and I can't get him off my mind. I'm so glad that we are really really good friends but I want so much more. I'm afraid to open my big dumb mouth and ruin it though...because I think that we could have something great

*sigh* I am just rambling here trying to get it all out there and figure stuff out. Hopefully I will learn how to date soon so that I won't die old and alone with a million cats. (I'm cool with the dying old and with cats part though haha)-terrible joke

hmmm I guess I will just stick on the path I'm on and maybe things will work out the way I want them to this time. If I don't ruin everything by over analyzing...

Hello Kitty

Meow

So it is currently 71 degrees outside and the high is 88. I am wearing my Hello Kitty sweater (thanks Madi and Will!!). I knew that it would be a hot day and that wearing a sweater wouldn't be a good idea (I'm also wearing skinny jeans and high top sneakers) but it was just calling my name from the closet.

I'm happy I wore it today...I feel Asian when I wear it and I think it helped me with my Chinese. :)

我會說中文!!

Haha well that was totally random...and I loved it!! I hope you did too!!

再見!!
Zai4 jian4!!
Goodbye!!

... :/

Well...here I am. I should be sleeping. No, I should be studying. I just have no will power to do it. I know that I should. I am at my computer. I have my books scattered around my feet. I have the web pages opened for the assignments I have to do...yet I can't get myself to do it.

I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm depressed...I'm just...not me right now. I think I could be happy right now I'm just not. Why?? Why do I feel like I'm constantly riding a roller coaster?? I can be so happy one minute and angry or sad the next...I hate this.

Maybe it is because I spend most every day alone. I have plenty of time to do my homework then (and normally I can convince myself to do it) but honestly, I just don't want to. I miss people during the day. I'm the kind of person that can't be left alone; I need to be around people. I don't need to be the center of attention but my whole being thrives on interactions with people. I love hearing laughter. I love laughing with people. I can't do that because I'm always alone. Alone, alone, alone. All alone.

Hmmm...I guess I'm done whining now. That is just what I'm feeling and thinking as of now. Hopefully tomorrow gets better...

*sigh*

This is for Madi... ;)

Well people!!! I haven't written since June...haha I'm terrible at this thing!! I am updating this for my dearest sister Madison Marie (she has been terrorizing me to do it)

I had the most AMAZING summer!!! I was an intern on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C. I arrived back on Wednesday, August 24 and went to spend the rest of that week with my parents and little brother in Blackfoot until I came down to school on Saturday, August 28.

I had an awesome time at home! I missed my parents a lot and I especially missed my baby brother Mikey :] he is such a stud!! I got to celebrate his 18th birthday with him!! It was the greatest day ever!! It did however, end terribly at the football game that night. Mike is out for the season with a broken ankle and he had to get surgery but he is tough and is keeping his head up high. Let's all pray for a speedy recovery!!

School started Monday...I LOVE BEING BACK!!! I honestly love going to school at BYU and I love school!! Okay I know you are all thinking "what is she smoking!!??" But I seriously love having something to do everyday and learning is so much fun!! Also, I like knowing that I am getting closer to doing what I love for the rest of my life!! :D It makes me smile!!

This semester I am taking:
Mandarin Chinese
Economics
Accounting
Physical Science
Family History/Genealogy

I know...that is a crazy schedule and I will probably regret it later but I don't have anything to distract me and I am soooooo focused this year!! :) I know that I can get really good grades this semester and I will not settle for anything less!! Yay!! Go me!! haha

Well...I have made it a goal this semester to also be nicer to everyone. There are people down here that I went to school with and we had our differences but I'm in college now and I don't really see any reason to hold a grudge for something that happened in the past, that doesn't affect me anymore, and that honestly doesn't matter!! Ahhhh it feels so good to just let it all go!!

The worst part about being back: I miss my best friend Jordan Nathanael Lee like no one would believe!! We did everything together and now he is gone and I won't lie...I'm a little lost!! We seriously ate together, studied together, hung out after class together, went on late night walks and just talked about everything!! Have you ever had a friend like that and you know that you are better because of them and they will always be a part of your life forever?? I never thought that I would have a person like Jordan in my life ever!!! I am so blessed to have him as my best friend and to have him in my life forever!! I am so proud of him for going on a mission and can't wait for our lunch date in 1 year, 9 months, and 19 days (give or take a couple days)!! (and yeah we totally have it planned...I'M SO EXCITED!!) Oh yeah...it is extra terrible to be here in Provo because he is still in the MTC here in Provo...he is like RIGHT THERE, and I can't go see him :( Oh well...It will go by fast!!!



Well that is it for now!! I'll try and be better about this, but I'm not making any promises ;)

Peace out yo!!

WOW!!!

Oh my gosh I haven't written in forever!! Life is so crazy right now! I'm living in DC and I'm working like a crazy person and making friends and just loving life!!

Friday I hung out with two amazing people!! Carl and Rachele are probably the greatest people ever!! I love Rachele to death! I am so sad that she is going to Argentina and I don't get to see her until January!! But that is ok because I'm going to road trip it up to visit her in ARIZONA!! WAHOO!!! Love that girl to death!!

I moved into a town house with some girls I met at church! They are cool but me and Sabrina get along better than anyone else. She is so gorgeous (BTW so is Rachele!! Absolutely gorgeous!!) and we just have so much fun hanging out!!

I'm just having an amazing time now!! Life couldn't get any better!!!

Oh wait...it can!! My brother, sister-in-law, niece, grandma, grandpa, and sister will be coming to visit me in July!! YIPEE!! I am the luckiest girl in the whole world!! <3